Thursday, August 07, 2008

**Scam Warning**

I saw a Council litter-patrol van parked up by the side of the road this morning, full of bags of rubbish with a big sign on the side that read, "Is your litter worth £75?". Well, not being one to pass by an opportunity to make a little extra money, I spent the next 2 hours grovelling around the surrounding roads and hedgerows gathering up four carrier bags of fag ends, crushed cans, Lucozade bottles filled with wee and many various crisp packets and sweet wrappers. By the time I'd finished my hands were as black as a miner's arse (I don't know what that means) and I'd gone through the knees of my shorts. They were long shorts. Anyway, I went back to the van just in time to catch the grubby man climbing into his cab. I presented him with my bags and eagerly asked how much he thought I'd get for them. But instead of responding, he simply threw the bags into the back with barely a glance, sneered at me as if I was mad or something and then drove off! With my litter! I rang the council to complain and they just treated it like some kind of joke and hung up. Some people I tell you.

Why do the working class point with their middle fingers? I know it's a slightly longer finger and there may be the argument that that helps emphasise the point being made, but it looks rude, so please stop. Pass it on.

The fact that it was raining again this Sunday, only for about the last 8 in a row!, meant that there was no car booty - again. It did remind me though of a funny incident at a car booty last year that I'd forgotten about. Toby and I were keeping an eye out for beer glasses for Mr Milligan and his Crystal Palace of Obsession and as I was rifling through some crappy old LPs Toby piped up, "Oh look, is that a Mr Tall glass?". I looked up to the glass in question, which actually said, "Top shag". Another one of those situations where adults laugh and have to fabricate a non-explicit alternative joke to cover the rude one they're actually laughing about. Later at that same booty-from-another-dimension I heard a woman talking to a bloke:

Woman - You know you look just like [name]
Bloke - Yes, I'm his older brother
Woman - Oh! Are you twins?

?!?!?!? Well, I suppose, strictly speaking he could have been, but...