Oh, err, Hi. Sorry, my dog ate my homework, the bus was late, I forgot your number, I was ill, work's been busy, I thought it was next week etc etc excuses excuses.
So lovebirds, what was it that awoke me from my self-induced slumber? What event of history altering import roused me from my mental torpor? Hmm? Only the fact that one of the most ridiculed lyrics in the history of pop music has recently been resurrected by a band that really should know better! That's what.
Remember this classic line from Des'ree's 1998 single "Life":
"I don't want to see a ghost
It's the sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast"
Recently voted by listeners of BBC radio to be the worst lyric ever written, but of which Des'ree couldn't give a toss, because I think she made millions from it being number one everywhere for always.
Well anyway, poo lyrics agreed by all to be consigned to some kind of dustybin of embarrassment.
Well, rum-punchers, fast forward to the present nowness and marvel at the Arctic Monkeys' recent turn of phrase in their latest single 'Cornerstone':
"She was close
Close enough to be your ghost
But my chances turned to [yep, you guessed it pop-pickers] toast"
Presently the world wide web of bedwetters love this song and appear to forgive Alex Turner's poorly chosen plagiarism. But I haven't. Shocking mate, shocking.