Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I've noticed that a number of these NHS posters have sprung up around the place at work. They're a bit dull so I thought I'd add a comic touch to them, starting with this one...

The observant amongst you will have noticed the addition of a little ciggie in her hand. If I don't get fired first, I'll try and post some more in the next few weeks. Power to the people.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Man oh boy, I've been off work for the past week with what felt like a medium strength dose of dysentry. I didn't have any substantial meals for like 5 days. Eating a handful of dry Cheerios here, a small square of chocolate there - a real tropical shipwreck diet with all the special effects. I didn't know if I was coming...

or going....

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Couple of things annoying me this week. One, the idiots that shoot polar bears. And two, the Pope advising Africa that condoms are exacerbating the AIDS epidemic.

Let's start with the retards "hunting" polar bears for £25,000 a pop. I think the reason this made me speechless with a whole range of violent emotions is down to the fact that the polar bear has become a mascot for the world's Green\Eco\environment followers, which, let's face it, should encompass everyone living on the planet. It's for that reason that I can't come up with some clever, "the bear has polarised opinion on global warming" headline, quite simply because it hasn't. The polar bear is a tangible, emotive and universally recognised symbol representing the non-human elements of the earth that are at risk of extinction due to human action and in-action. It's because of this, I thought, world-wide accepted elevation of polar bear status to that of sacred animal, a totem almost, that I was lost for words when I saw the photo below.

But later on I thought, £25,000 seems cheap for a polar bear, you know? And, what type of people are friends with someone who would shoot a polar bear? One of the pics I saw showed a man hiding behind a white board, probably half a mile away with a high powered rifle. So, how is that hunting? And whose polar bear was it anyway? Turns out it was probably Canada's actually, as 60% of the world's population of 22,000 polar bears are in Canada, where, luckily for them, they can be legally hunted. That makes just over half a billion $s worth of furry white rug running around the Arctic.

A solution (of mine) would be to pay the Inuits, who are selling their "traditional hunting rights" to the game hunters in return for the meat and money, directly. That way we can completely cut out the middle men (hunt organisers and hunters). Who pays for that though Jason? Well, if you launched it as a charity with such an iconic and, let's face it, saleable mascot as a cuddly polar bear cub, you could easily raise the $1.5 million a year required to earn all the cuddawee widdle powar bwears a stay of execution. In the meantime, you bring in a global ban on polar bear skins and trophies, starting with the UK.

Anyway, excluding the hunters and any Eskimo children who might have had parents eaten by polar bears, I estimate that the guy in that photo is hated by about 99.9999% of the world's population. Surely he's got to be in fear for his life and in serious danger of some ALF (Animal Liberation Front) nut hunting him down? I mean, if I met this guy at a party I would give him a major hard time, embarrass him very publicly and maybe even perform some mild violence or dog shit related attack to his house or car. And I'm a pacifist! (always struck me as odd that word ending with a "fist").

Next up, the Pope. Holy shit(head), now this guy surely IS in fear for his life, or maybe his belief in an eternal afterlife means he doesn't really give a damn. What is up with this guy? For those that missed it, he recently made the staggeringly medieval evaluation that condoms actually make the AIDS epidemic worse. As the leader of the Catholic church he's supposed to be divine leader to around a billion people (God's main man on earth), which makes him more than comparable to the king or queen of a country or a president or prime minister. If any king or queen or president or prime minister came out with some of the crap that he spouts they would be removed from power by a national, if not international, revolt, rebellion, revolution, whatever. This guy however just goes right back to balcony appearances and a sea of adulating faces. He and his cronies are what’s wrong with religion.

My solution to these problems? Pope hunting. Goodnight listeners.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

When money is tight and the international economy is in meltdown, what's the best way you can think of to cheer yourself up? Make a papier mache cat mask from dollar bills? You betcha.

All my own work. 1 of 1 suckah.

Monday, March 16, 2009

My new "favourite thing in the world"....