Think the recession's on the decline? (Ignore the oxymoron, smart-alec) Well I have photographic evidence here that things are so bad that even the pigeons at Oxford's HSBC branch at Carfax are suicidal:



Yes, poor little bugger's hung himself. Yet another hapless victim of those greedy traders out for short term grain.....ahem.

But on to happier, brighter, shinier things, like my new toy:

Dr Destruction: Red Tide Kozik.

Isn't he cool?

I bet you thought I'd been in mourning for a month didn't you? Well I have been upset by the passing of MJ, but I haven't been disabled by it. I did kind of feel a need to keep myself busy though and so, after being aware of the furore around the new iPhone, I decided to get in on the action. Behold, the iPhoney:

iPhoney©

Originally created to try and impress my work colleagues (without the £569 outlay), the iPhoney has become a test bed for my own home-brew iPhoney apps. From which I understand you can make a fair bit of cash. Currently in development at JBG Industries are (from top left to right):

1. Imperial Communicator - allows holographic communication with Imperial troops. Over IP. With Sith smileys.

2. Fairtrade Diviner - auto-dials a farm in Guatemala where a switchboard team of ex-nickel miners are on 24 hour shifts to advise you whether the food you're purchasing adheres to strict Fairtrade regulations. Calls cost £5.60 for half a minute.

3. Lego - Tetris-like game with Lego bricks.

4. Henken Reciprocator - allows automatic response to the "Henken" call, freeing one up to continue working, uninterrupted.

5. Royal Mail stamp - use it when you want to post a letter. Simple.

6. Llama Alarm - self-explanatory. Highly sensitive llama alarm. Can be set to auto-detect\repel\mating call as required.

7. Sedentary Mode - effectively puts the iPhoney to sleep.

8. Swine Flu Detector - I think I may be too late to market with this one already :(

Drop me a line if you're interested in trialling any of your own iPhoney apps on my test kit and we'll go halves on the iProfits.